Old Dogs and New Tricks
by Slowcoach Campbell
Summary: An unknown illness is sweeping through Haven, leaving the LEP very short handed. Holly, as the highest ranking officer left unaffected, is forced to recruit some very old officers and some very fresh recruits to help her uncover a conspiracy that could threaten the lives of every human and fairy on Earth. Adventure/Humour/Romance
1. Introduction

**Old Dogs and New Tricks**

Long Intro:

My first Artemis Fowl FanFiction: An unknown illness is sweeping through Haven, leaving the LEP very short handed. Holly, as the highest ranking officer left unaffected, has no choice but to call in reinforcements, from anywhere she can. This means students from the LEP Academy and retired officers. However Holly soon finds that things can always get worse; a string of strange thefts and murders erupt all over the city, and all the evidence points to the Mud Men! Captain Short must seek help from a certain human ex-criminal mastermind of her acquaintance and together they must try to solve the mystery, before it's too late!

I do not own the Artemis Fowl series or any of its characters (although I suppose I do own the ones that I've made up).

Adventure/Humour (there will be jokes, but set to a serious background)/ Romance

Remember this is my first attempt at an Artemis Fowl story, so if you review please don't be too hard on me.


	2. Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases

**Chapter 1: Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases **

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><p>Not a single fairy doctor, warlock, surgeon or medical expert had been able to discover either the cause or the cure of the mysterious illness raging through the Lower Elements. It was capable of overwhelming a fairies immune system in a matter of hours, was highly resilient to either magic or medicine, and was, thankfully, at least at the moment, non-lethal. The virus seemed to lay low its victim with a combination of a cough, sore-throat, fever and a streaming nose. In fact one of Haven's leading healing warlocks had, just before he to succumbed to the disease, pointed out the remarkable similarities between the mystery infection and the human common cold. Whether the human illness had mutated to effect fairies or not, the result was that over half of the fairy population were now out of action.<p>

Although the average was that half the population had been effected by the disease, the LEP were even worse off. Three quarters of the force were on sick leave and Recon had been reduced to only a handful of officers. As Captain Holly Short sat at her desk she tried to look on the bright side, "at least Trouble is still with us, but I suppose it would take more than a sore-throat to stop that workaholic from coming in!" thought Holly morosely as she starred unenthusiastically at her electronic paper work.

"Um Captain Short?" asked a nervous voice at her elbow. Turning Holly perceived Corporal Grub Kelp, looking extremely unhappy "Trubs wants to speak to you right now".

Holly rose from her seat immediately, fearing the worst. Although Grub had once often referred to his older brother and commanding officer by his nickname of Trubs, he had gradually learnt to not to use it. If he was using it now that meant that something had him really worried. She proceeded quickly along the corridor towards the commander's office, knocked and entered. "You wanted to see me s..." Holly began.

"ACHOO!" sneezed Commander Kelp like a fog horn. Looking up at Holly though red rimmed and streaming eyes he groaned "I wish I was dead".

Holly starred in horror "sir you haven't got this...this...whatever it is have you?"

"What does it look like?" growled Kelp, whilst blowing his nose.

Holly looked at her commander and realized that her question had been rather unnecessary. Along with his bloodshot eyes, Trouble's nose was red raw from frequent blowing, his voice cracked and his usual coffee complexion was almost grey.

After a bought of coughing that was agonizing to hear Commander Kelp managed to wheeze "Captain Short, I'm going home, you're in charge until I get back".

Holly, who had been looking horrified at seeing her friend and superior officer so ill, now looked positively appalled. "But sir I can't take charge, what about Major Evergreen, he's our most senior major?"

"He's sick captain"

"What about Captain Vein then, he's..."

"Also sick"

"Well then what about..."

"Holly!" snapped Trouble, holding a hand to his throbbing headache "everyone is ill! All that's left is you, Grub, Frond and Verbil; and you have seniority so you're in command".

Holly gaped "it's just the four of us left? Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"But" Holly almost wailed "I'm a field officer! I don't know the first thing about all this red tape and politics and paper work!"

Commander Kelp coughed and sneezed for almost a full minute before finally answering "I was a combat officer once to Short, remember? But I was kicked upstairs and I had to learn to deal with" he waved a hand towards his cluttered desk "all this rubbish". Seeing Holly's dejected expression Trouble took pity on her "Look you'll just have to survive until I get back alright? Just hold the fort until I can shake off this damned cold. The experts reckon that it will last a week or two and then clear up."

Holly managed to sound something like her usual self as she at last smiled and said "I'll try my best sir".

"Good" grunted Trouble as he, with some difficulty climbed out of his desk chair and began to stagger towards the door "I've left you some notes, don't worry, the criminals are as hard hit as we are, so the next two weeks should be pretty quiet".

Collapsing miserably into Trouble's vacated seat Holly looked down at the guide he had left her. "D'arvit! When you said _notes_ you weren't kidding were you!" Holly snarled as she saw a single data-pad, bearing a single paragraph of text.

_Captain Short_

_I think that I am coming down with this disease that's already claimed most of the department. I can't believe it, I haven't been ill in sixty five years! __If I have to leave that means that you're in charge, now that everyone above you is out of it. If you get ill now that'll put Recon in the hands of Captain Chix Verbil; a thought that scares me more than a dozen Opal Kobois. Things should be quiet, with everyone sick at the moment, but even so you'll be shorthanded. Try and get hold of some emergency officers, try the LEP Academy's final year students and perhaps see if you can convince some retired Lepers to help out._

_Just keep things ticking over, I'm relying on you._

_Commander Trouble Kelp_

"But I don't want to be relied on" moaned Holly. She read and re-read the data-pad "that's it? What about all this?" she said angrily to herself, pointing to Trouble's desk "what in Frond's name am I supposed to do about all this stuff?" The desk was strewn with a sea of data-pads, a couple of monitors were covered in endless reams of meaningless statistics, and there was even some actually paper work. Trouble liked writing things down and enjoyed using synthetic paper rather than a computer screen if he could.

There came a knock at the door and Grub tentatively stuck his head around it "Captain Temporary Commander Short, w-what's going on?"

Holly gave Trouble's notes one last angry glance and then turned to Grub "I'm taking an LEP cruiser down to the Academy, tell Chix he's in command while I'm gone" as Holly strode past the commander's younger brother Holly added darkly "By the way, tell Chix I'm _relying_ on him".

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. "I don't want to be relied on" is a very obscure movie quote; I'll be amazed if anyone can tell me where from.

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	3. Young and Old

**Chapter 2: Young and Old**

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><p>Upon arriving at the LEP Police Academy Captain Holly Short was faced with yet more bad news. She was greeted by the sole remaining teacher, a wizened old female pixie by the name of Professor Pool Logit, an absentminded Human Studies teacher that had been around when Holly was a student at the academy.<p>

Holly saluted curtly "Professor Logit I'm here on LEP business; we require temporary officers at Police Plaza to help fill the vacancies created by this epidemic. I would like to enlist some of your senior students if I may."

The frail looking pixie smiled up at Holly "oh of course dearie, the school will help anyway it can. But I'm afraid that the nasty cold that seems to be going around has taken a bit of chunk out of our student body" she patted Holly's forearm cheerfully, as high as she could easily reach "I'll get you a list of our remaining seniors".

A minute later Holly was looking down at a data-pad containing a pitifully short list of potential students, barely more than a dozen names. After reading each seniors profile Holly at last found three students that might at least prove acceptable. Before leaving the academy she met briefly with each to confirm her choices, none of whom filled her with confidence. The first was a grinning sprite, who had scored exceptionally highly in all flying aptitude tests, by the name of Fallx Verbil. The sprite turned out to be Chix's younger brother and was if possible an even less subtle pervert than Verbil senior, spending the entire interview starring avidly at Holly's chest.

The second potential officer was an abnormally tall and broad shouldered elf; standing almost 30 cm taller than Holly, with the unfortunate name of Grene Grass. He was an extremely quiet and gentle fairy, who had none the less scored highly in all combat training. He was however a simple soul and had not performed well in initiative tests. The final recruit was an angelic looking pixie named Penelope Willow, with shoulder length dark brown hair, green eyes and a regrettable passing resembles Opal Koboi. She appeared to be in other respects an exceptional student, with high scores in all classes. However Holly couldn't help balling her hands into fists every time she looked into the face that reminded her of her greatest nemesis.

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><p>Having ordered her new found recruits to head to Police Plaza and await further orders, Captain Short proceeded, with misgivings, to Haven's largest retirement home. The idea of relying on rookie recruits was not an attractive one, but the thought of getting ancient officers out of retirement, fairies that had probably been wearing the old buckled shoes and knickerbockers during their days on the force, was in Holly's opinion even worse. The receptionist that stood behind the counter in the lobby of <em>The Oak Tree and Riverbend Home for Old Fairies<em> retirement home was, Holly decided, almost certainly not the usual fairy, but a replacement. The haggard looking elf looked up at her, took in the Captain's uniform and asked hesitantly "yes officer?"

Holly sighed and then asked "look have you got any ex-LEP officers as..." she hesitated; patients, guests, inmates, what was the proper term for them? "Staying here?" she finished at last.

Understanding dawned on the receptionist's face "Oh, you're here to see Commander Griffin, his rooms just down the hall, room 233". She leaned towards Holly and smiled sympathetically "it's a good thing you came; I don't think he'll be with us for much longer".

Holly frowned "why where's he going?" before realization struck her "Oh you mean..."

The receptionist looked confused "you're not family?"

"No no" exclaimed Holly hurriedly, before briefly explaining the situation at Police Plaza, making sure to play down the seriousness of the situation naturally. She was talking to a civilian after all. "So you see" Holly finished "I need retired officers who might be willing to temporarily return to the force, just to keep things ticking over".

The young elf considered "well apart from Commander Griffin I think the only other LEP officer we have with us is Captain Redwood. He's a lovely old sweetie; he's always so polite and never complains".

Something made Holly ask "um never complains about what exactly?"

"Well he lost a leg to a troll of course" stated the receptionist as if this were common knowledge "but never a grumble, he's always..."

"Right right" said Holly hurriedly interrupting the girl "look I think I'll just be going, thank you for your help miss".

Just as Holly was turning to go the receptionist caught the Captain's arm "wait a second officer, we may not have any ex-LEPs that you're interested in, but I do think I can help you. Follow me". Mystified Holly followed the young elf, who led her into a large common room and towards a table, at which were seated five very elderly fairies, two elves, a sprite, a gnome and a goblin. "Hello my dear old darlings" chirruped the receptionist in a sickeningly cheerful voice "look what I've brought you, this lovely LEP captain, who is going to talk to you, won't that be nice?" Each of the elderly gentlemen wore identical expressions of deepest loathing; she turned happily to Holly "I'll leave you to get to know each other than shall I?" and skipped back to her desk.

Holly found herself subjected to the burning glares of five ancient fairies. Feeling uncomfortable, not to mentioned confused, Holly at last said "um hello".

The taller of the two elves said at last "good day miss and what can we do for you?"

Holly's instincts kicked in immediately and without thinking said "captain, not miss, if you don't mind sir".

The sprite chuckled "captain eh?"

Assuming that the sprite was laughing at the combination of her rank and her gender Holly glowered at him "yes, _captain_, is that so funny?"

"Well" said the sprite grinning "what kind of a suit is that? You call that a uniform do you?"

Holly looked down at her LEP jumpsuit and then back up at the old fairies starring at her, all the save the goblin, who seemed to have lost interest. "Yes I do, this is the standard Lower Elements Police jumpsuit for the 21st century. That's the one we're in now by the way" she added scathingly.

The taller elf and Holly locked eyes for a full five seconds, each glaring defiance. Suddenly he grinned and started to laugh "you know, captain, I like you, you have spirit. And incidentally, it's not sir, it's Colonel".

Holly starred, nonplussed "you mean commander?"

"I know my own rank captain; I am Colonel Wren, 12th Elven Infantry, of his glorious majesty King Frond's Lower Elements Army" Wren inclined his head politely "at your service madam".

Holly looked from ancient face to ancient face, they were not police officers, these were soldiers! Her mind raced back to her history class room at school. She remembered learning how, seven hundred years ago; Haven had had a rebellion against the monarchy, deposed King Frond VIII and had established a democracy in the form of the council. It was a typical fairy affair, with very little violence or bloodshed. The only real resistance to the new government had come from the army, in particular Frond's Royal Guard. This elite regiment had barricaded themselves in the palace and were only convinced to surrender when Frond himself begged them to stop fighting.

After the regime change the council had decided that the army was both unnecessary and potentially dangerous. The Lower Elements Army and the Royal Flying Fairies were at first amalgamated, then reorganized and finally disbanded completely. In their places was established the Lower Elements Police; which was considered to be both more manageable and more suitable for the purpose of patrolling Haven. This had all happened so long ago, out of living memory for many fairies, (although there were plenty of dwarves, centaurs and goblins, all of which often lived well into their thousands, who remembered it as if it were yesterday) that Holly, a stripling of eighty, found it hard to believe that these five old fairies predated her police force.

"I'm sorry, colonel, I didn't know. I'm Captain..."

"Holly Short" finished Colonel Wren smiling "I have seen you on television. By all accounts we all owe you are lives".

Holly blushed, having never really got used to her status as a national hero "I was just doing my job, and I had plenty of help".

"And doing it very well I might add" chuckled Wren "and as for the help, I am fully aware of the contributions made by such sterling individuals as the humans Artemis Fowl and his bodyguard Butler. When you next see them you must give them our regards".

"Thank you, I will"

"And now" said Wren sitting up straighter in his chair "I believe that introductions are in order". Turning to the second elf seated at the table he said "Major Moor; my second in command and right hand". The major in question had an enormous white moustache, something very unusual among the People, and a huge scar on his left cheek.

"Captain Short, a pleasure" he said in a booming voice.

"Nice to meet you" answered Holly, managing to smile and trying not to look at the officers disfiguring wound.

Turning to the sprite who had chuckled at Holly's uniform Wren said "Captain Choral; a gentleman of the Royal Flying Fairies".

The indicated sprite jumped up and shook Holly's hand warmly, giving her a friendly grin "I say, hope you don't hold a grudge about the crack at your uniform Captain Short? It was dashed rude of me, awfully sorry and all that!"

Holly immediately realized that she didn't mind at all, the old sprites boyish grin and cheerful laugh were infectious and she couldn't help liking him. "Totally fine, sorry about the _that's the century we're in now_ thing".

"And" said Wren pointing a thin finger towards the barrel chested gnome, who looked like he could have taken on a troll in an arm wrestling contest, and the elderly goblin who didn't seem to be paying much attention to the proceedings "might I introduce Sergeants Flank and Spouter".

"Good to meet you Captain" said Flank in voice that was born for the parade ground, whilst Spouter said nothing.

"Thanks, you to" said Holly, before turning to look at the goblin who seemed to be ignoring her. "Um hi" she said uncertainly.

Wren gave Holly an apologetic smile "I'm afraid that the good Sergeant Spouter's hearing is not what it once was, I'm afraid you'll have to shout".

Feeling embarrassed Holly said loudly and clearly "I'm Captain Short".

Spouter at last seemed to hear Holly, and turned in his seat, giving her a confused and annoyed look "what was that? Capital Fort? Never heard of it me' life".

Holly, now feeling very foolish, screamed "Captain Holy Short!"

"Captain Molly Port? I wish you'd speak up missy!" Licking his eyeballs irritably Spuouter turned to his companions "back in my day fairies actually talked to one another; now it's all this muttering and mumbling. That's what comes of policemen and democracy; we wouldn't have stood for it for a second when I was a young goblin!"

"Let me have a try captain" said Sergeant Flank. Leaning across to the old reptile he bellowed at the top of his lungs "SHE IS CAPTAIN HOLLY SHORT, OF THE LEP, GOT IT?"

Placing a hand to his ear Spouter glared indignantly at his colleague "ow, I'm not deaf you know. Alright then, Captain Short, nice meeting you and all, now what do you want?" Suddenly the goblins face seemed to light up "ere', this Capital Fort, is it on the surface?" turning to the rest of the group he asked eagerly "are we going back up to the surface?"

Holly noticed the other four fairies exchange hurried glances "there is no Capital Fort Sergeant" said Wren quickly (and loudly) "and we are of course not going up to the surface". Turning to Holly he added "not unless that is what you have come to ask of us captain".

Holly, her police officers instincts aroused said "no not the surface; I came here to try to find ex-LEP officers to help plug the gaps at Police Plaza. Thanks to this illness going around there's now only a couple of us in Recon at the moment".

"Gad!" exclaimed Major Moor "that settles it then, Wren, old chap, we absolutely must go!"

The old soldiers all nodded in unison, whilst Spouter sank forlornly into his chair "not the surface eh? Oh well I suppose we are all too old for all that now anyway."

Holly's head snapped around to face the ancient goblin "all what exactly sergeant?" she asked quickly. Spouter appeared to have heard her, but seemed unwillingly answer. Turning to Colonel Wren she asked again "what are you all too old for that you used to do on the surface?"

There was a certain amount of uncomfortable fidgeting, until Wren seemed to reach a decision. "Very well captain, I suppose it doesn't make any difference now anyway. I mean to say" he added looking around at his comrades "we might as well be in prison as here, it doesn't make all that much difference eh?"

Holly bristled "what did you do up there?"

The old colonel considered for a moment and then began "after we were kicked out of the LEA, after the revolution, well we had to look somewhere for work. So I, and twenty or so others, this little band here is all that's left, travelled to Atlantis. They still had a proper army there in those days and we served there for, oh, must have been about four centuries. But then they disbanded there armed forces just as you had in Haven, and so we had to look elsewhere. We needed to go somewhere were our particular skills would always be in demand". He smiled at Holly.

"You went to the surface" said Holly, half amazed, half indigent "and you became..._mercenaries_?"

Colonel Wren chuckled "you LEP fellows may be no soldier, but you're damned good detectives. Yes Captain Short, we became mercenaries. Between the seventeen hundreds and nineteen hundreds, the world was our oyster".

"But you could have been caught! Not to mention, I mean, it was just wrong!"

It was Captain Choral's turn to laugh "there was no risk of the Lepers catching us, not in those days. Why until just before you were born the LEP still went around dressed like festive garden gnomes. No offense old chap" he added hastily to Sergeant Flank.

The gnome sergeant grinned "none taken sir".

"And as for the moral considerations Captain Short" pointed out Wren "we were being well paid to help humans kill each other, they would have done it without our help anyway".

"I just don't know what to say, did you at least mesmerize your employers after the transaction was completed?" asked Holly.

"Well we stayed shielded some of the time, those of us who could. But as for the mesmer, it was hardly ever needed. I mean what self respecting human general, if he wants to stay out of an asylum, goes around saying he got help from the fairies?" Colonel Wren watched Holly with an amused expression "look here captain, whether or not you plan on arresting us later, can we at least offer you our support in the current crisis?"

"This isn't over" warned Holly reluctantly.

"Capital" exclaimed the colonel "if you will give us but one minute we will just get our things".

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><p>After rather more than a minute the five reappeared, and Holly's jaw dropped "what the..." The retired soldiers wore double-breasted uniform jackets, with gold buttons and epaulets, narrow trousers with a thin red stripe running down the seams, black leather boots and kepis; all in dark green, save for Captain Choral, whose uniform was navy blue. None of them were carrying firearms of course, no such thing as a licenses gun in the lower elements, however one of the old soldiers was never the less armed. "What in Frond's name is that and where under the earth did you get it?" shouted Holly, pointing to a huge sword slung at Wren's hip.<p>

Glancing down Wren smiled "oh this? This captain is a Pattern 1796 Light Cavalry Sabre, the finest sword ever designed, in my own humble opinion. This one was presented to me by none other than his Grace the Duke of Wellington himself, after the Battle of Salamanca, 1812. It's saved my life more times than I care to mention". Patting the swords hilt affectionately he added "of course I'm too small for it really, so I have to wield it with both hands, but one can get used to anything".

'_I'm too small for it_' thought Holly; most fairies would have said _it's too big for me_. This was clearly an elf who had spent a lot of time around humans. She also realized suddenly that neither Wren, nor any of his companions, had used the term Mud Men, again more evidence that they had spent a good deal of time in human company.

Well, thought Holly, they're obviously as mad as sunburnt dwarves the lot of them, so they'll probably fit right in at Police Plaza. What was that human saying? Oh yes, _you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps._ The Mud Men might have been thinking about the LEP when they came up with that!

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>That chapter took a lot longer to write than I thought it would, and a lot more words! Sergeant Spouter (the deaf goblin) is partly based on the character of Trumpkin the dwarf, as he appears in C.S Lewis's book _the Silver Chair_.

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	4. A Demonic Guinea Pig

**Chapter 3: A Demonic Guinea Pig**

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><p>We must now leave Captain Short, and her new found recruits, and travel across Haven, to a small run-down bar in one of the city's poorest and most dangerous districts. The bar in question was never a busy establishment, but now, owing both to the present epidemic and the lateness of the hour, it was nearly deserted. Only three individuals remain, and they were doing very little to improve the scenery.<p>

The first of the three had a right to be there, being the bar-fairy; a stocky dwarf, with a filthy beard, broken teeth and a worried expression. It was rapidly approaching closing time and the dwarf was not looking forward to the prospect of ejecting the bars only two patrons. The first was a tall thin gnome, the second a hulking demon. The gnome wore the remains of what had once been an LEP jumpsuit, but which was now raged and patched. Over this he wore a shabby coat and fedora, giving him an extremely odd appearance. His face, which was unshaven, was undeniably cruel; the eyes burned with resentment and petty hatred. The demon however was the more worrying of the two; although not abnormally large for his kind, he was still very tall and powerfully built. His great arms bulged with muscles that would have put a heavy weight boxer to shame, and his monumental torso resembled an immense armoured shield. Although physically the opposite of his drinking companion the demon shared one thing in common; his eyes to bore the same bitter anger.

Ark Sool glared restfully into his drink, as if it had been responsible for his fall from grace. It was hard to believe that this wreck of a fairy had once been a commander in the LEP, noted for his strictness for rules and regulations, not to mention neatness. However he had made the critical mistake of suggesting that the People should abandon the demons to their fate in Limbo. That one memo, one order, had cost him everything. He had been drummed out of the service in disgrace. Sool had then taken to crime, working for Turnball Root as a caretaker for his human wife. He had been captured after his employer's death and escaped going to prison by faking a magical rune on his neck and pretending that he had been forced into doing Turball's wishes. There had been doubts but nothing could be proved and he had been realised. He was beginning to wonder whether he would have been better off in prison, anything would be better than this life of filth, poverty and disgrace.

The demon who sat beside Sool was none other than Master Rawley, former teacher of imps on Hybras. He too had enjoyed a position of power and prestige until very recently, upon leaving Limbo the demon population had been forced to adopt a very different way of life. For one thing demon females were no longer kept in ghettos, cut off from society, and for another imps were now taught alongside other fairy children. It was no longer considered acceptable for imps to be fed a diet of racial hatred, pumped full of bloodlust and arrogance, forced to crave violence, and all the while being subjugated to beatings and insults. In Rawley's eyes the People had taken everything from him, his dignity, his honour and his power over his fellow demons.

As both fairies sat, lost in their own day dreams of revenge and reprisals, the door to the bar suddenly swung open. Standing in the doorway was a figure, possibly an elf judging by the height, wrapped in a long black robe and cloak, his face hidden in the depths of a hood, whilst his hands were encased in black leather gauntlets. He was resting heavily on a stick and carried under his arm a box, draped in a black cloth. He slowly walked towards the bar, the need for the stick apparent, as he staggered with a pronounced limp. Reaching it at last he put down his burden, turned to the bar dwarf, who was standing rooted to the spot, and raised his head. The face beneath the hood was still lost in shadows, but the eyes could clearly be made out. Two glowing orbs, blood red, looked deeply into the dwarf's terrified face "you do not want to hear this. You will leave now; do not come back for a long time". The voice was cracked and harsh, if dry ash or charcoal could speak, they would do so in such a voice.

The dwarf hesitated for only a second before nodding and leaving the bar at a run. The mysterious stranger slowly sat down upon one of the bar stools, sighing with relief. He was silent for moment before saying quietly "you miss you're power do you not?"

The gnome and demon glanced at each, and at last Sool muttered restfully "and what if we do?"

The hooded figure turned to stare into Sool's eyes; pure malice seemed to flow from this creature, like pus from a sore. "What if I told you that I could give you back everything that you'd lost? What if I told you that if you were to follow me I could give you power beyond your wildest dreams?"

Rawley was no genius, but he was clever enough not to trust an offer this good without asking questions "and what would be in it for you?" he growled.

A low sickening laugh emanated from within the hood, it was not a sound that any living creature should have been able to produce "why supreme power of course, I intended to rule this small planet of ours. I can offer you a place beside me, what would you like, Haven, a country, a continent? It could be yours".

"And" asked Sool "what is it you want of us?"

"Simple, all I ask of you is your obedience. If I tell you to kill, you will kill, if I tell you to steal, to maim, to lay down your lives for me, you will obey".

Once again Sool and Rawley looked at each other, they had nothing, so did they really have anything to lose? "Alright, we're in" they said in unison.

The stranger rose from his seat, a gasp of pain escaping his unseen lips "excellent". Turning to Rawley he said "Demon, you will stand if you please, your first task is at hand".

The hulking ex-teacher got to his feet "what do you want me to..." he began, but he got no further, for without the slightest warning the black clad elf drew forth a pistol and shot him in the chest.

It was so sudden, so unexpected, that Sool screamed in terror and began to back away "w-what? B-but you said" he stammered "please don't kill me, I'll do anything!"

The dark red eyes turned on him "firstly why would I kill you Sool? I have told you that I require your assistance and I am not in the habit of destroying things that I need. Secondly the demon Rawley is not dead, merely stunned". Standing over the fallen demon he murmured "it is a pity really, I would have liked both these demons, they make such useful henchfairies. Still it is one or the other and I have made my decision".

Sool had no idea what his new master was talking about. "What do you want me to do?" he quavered uncertainly.

"Stand back if you please, this may be a rather explosive experiment". Turning to the bar he once again picked up the box that he had entered the bar with and removed the black cloth which had been draped across it. Sool thought for a moment that his eyes must have been playing tricks on him, he did not know what he had expected, but whatever it had been, it wasn't a guinea pig in a cage. The animal was not behaving as its kind usually did, starring dumbly into space, or running for shelter, instead it stood on its hind legs against the side of its cage and glaring furiously out at the bar, growling deep in its throat.

The hooded figure placed the cage on the floor of the bar, beside the unconscious Rawley, opened the top of the cage and extended a hand carefully into it. "You remember what I told you? Keep still" he said in his unnatural cracked tones. Obediently the guinea pig sat motionless in its wood shavings and hay, allowing the stranger's finger to rest on the top of its small head. He then placed the middle and index fingers of his left hand on the forehead of the fallen demon and began to murmur under his breath.

At first nothing appeared to be happening, but then Sool noticed the first sparks. Blue sparks of magic began to blossom, both at the point where the stranger's left hand rested upon Rawley's great skull, and where his right was placed delicately on that of the guinea pig. The sparks multiplied and bloomed until both the demon and the guinea pig were encased in cocoons of blue light. The hooded figure grunted and with what appeared to be a great effort began to pull the magic back along his arms and then forced the sparks that had been encasing the guinea pig into the demon, and vice versa. At last the raging inferno of magic began to die away, leaving Rawley and the small fat rodent just as they had been before.

The mysterious elf straightened up and then stood over the demon "awaken my servant, awaken!"

Leon Abbott cracked open an eye, stirred and then climbed to his feat. He starred incredulously down at his hands before turning, roughly shoving Sool aside and rushed to the bar, starring at his reflection in the mirror that hung behind it. He flexed his shoulders experimentally, carefully fingered his horns and ears, and then, with no apparent effort, wrenched a bar stood, which was bolted to the floor, up from its moorings and smashed down on the bar. The wood shattered and Abbott grinned with satisfaction. Turning slowly he faced the elf that had returned him to a demon body and growled "I am yours".

The figure in black chuckled "I apologise if the body is not as large and powerful as your old one, but I would imagine that it is an improvement on this" he pointed casually to the feebly stirring guinea pig. "You will both proceed to this address" he passed a card to Sool, who took in a shaking hand "remain there until I come to collect you. I shall return Master Rawley to the Warlock Academy; they will not notice any difference I fancy". So saying he picked up the cage, containing the now squealing guinea pig and walked towards the door. As he reached it he turned "rest and prepare my friends, for tomorrow the war begins".

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Not many laughs in that chapter eh? I hope you didn't mind. You could say 'this is where the story really starts'. Any idea who the mysterious hooded stranger could be yet?

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	5. Humans in Haven?

**Chapter 4: Humans in Haven?**

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><p>Captain Holly Short returned to Police Plaza with her new recruits, three young students and five old soldiers. Soon the LEP staff room was full of fairies introducing themselves; some like Grub Kelp and Grene Grass very nervous and embarrassed, and others such Captain Choral and Captain Verbil grinning and sharing jokes.<p>

Penelope Willow, she of the high test scores, found herself being introduced to Major Moor, he of the scars and moustache. "Hi" she said smiling "so you're one of the mercenaries right?"

"We were soldiers miss" said Moor reproachfully "our services to the humans in exchange for gold was merely a job, it did not define us".

"Right" said Penelope, sounding sceptical. "Err what was that for?" she asked, pointing to a medal pinned to the old major's chest, in an attempt to change the subject.

"This miss?" said Moor, taking the small silver disc hanging from a purple and yellow ribbon between finger and thumb. "This Miss Willow is my Second China War Medal, given me by old Lord Elgin so it was. 1861 if my memory serves me". An excited look came into his eyes and Penelope realized to late what she had done. "I'll tell you how I came by it. See we came to the surface looking for work, and well we happened to be in China, so we offered to help the British in exchange for a goodish bit of treasure after it was all over. So we were in China right, and the Chinese were fighting the Taiping Rebels and Taipings were fighting them. Now we was technically not fighting either them, at least officially, not at first anyway. But at the same time we were, if you follow me. Anyway us and the French, who were on our side, were after a treaty, but the Chinese wouldn't give it to us see, so we marched on the capital. Next thing we knew we were up to are eyeballs in Mongol cavalry, who were on the side of the Chinese, real Chinese you understand, not the rebels. And well, cutting a long story short and all that, we gave em' the right about at Palikao, and the next thing you know the treaty was signed, the Summer Palace was on fire and I was given me this here medal".

The pixie had her mouth open and was feeling as if someone had just put her brain though a recycler "so you won?" she managed to say at last weakly.

"Of course we did Miss Willow" said Colonel Wren appearing at her side "I think Major that the young lady here as had enough of history for the insane for now". Taking her elbow Wren guided the shell shocked Penelope away "don't mind old Moor, he's the salt of the earth, but once he gets started on one of his war stories...well a rampaging troll wouldn't stop him from finishing it!"

Penelope smiled "I'll try to keep of the subject of your past campaigns then shall I?"

"A good idea, unless you want to learn more history than is good for you".

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Corporal Kelp and Captain Verbil were having a little chat with Sergeant Flank.<p>

"You don't have sergeants in the LEP?" exploded Flank indignantly, the gnomes face turning purple with outrage.

Grub and Chix glanced at each other "no sorry" said Chix "we seem to get on without them though".

"_Get on without them_? Stuff of nonsense! Everyone knows that officers say what they want to happen, sergeants say how it should happen, corporals make it happen, and privates do it. Either your officers, Frond help them, have to do a lot more thinking that ours ever did, or your corporals must be bloody geniuses!" finished Flank shaking his head in disbelief.

Grub stuck out his chest, a self satisfied smile on his face "well I don't know about geniuses, but now you mention it, it really is us corporals that do all the real w..."

"Yeah" interrupted Captain Verbil grinning "you're right Flank, us officers have to do all the thinking round here nowadays". He gave scandalized Grub an irritating wink "otherwise I just don't know what would happen".

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><p>As her new recruits and Recon officers got to know one another Captain Short returned to Commander Kelp's office. Her office she reminded herself gloomily, at least for the time being. Keep things ticking over Trouble had said, everything will be pretty quiet, what with all the criminals at home blowing their noses. Well, thought Holly, sinking into the desk chair, perhaps it would be alright after all. Although the force under her command was hardly anything to write home about, it would hopefully be up to the task of keeping the peace in Haven and maybe even performing a recon or retrieval mission. Holly massaged her eyes with the back of her hand and yawned widely, she was exhausted. Her first day as a commander had been far from restful.<p>

Opening the door of her office Holly saw the Verbil brothers, Chix and Fallx, with their backs to her; both sprites were starring avidly at Lili Frond and Penelope Willow, who were talking at the end of the corridor. "I'd give Penelope an eight and Lili a nine I think" said Chix pensively "but they're both great".

His younger brother nodded in agreement "yeah, but I think Lili deserves a full on ten! Penelope, I mean she's hot and all, but she's just so serious and stuff, maybe a seven".

Holly, who had turned scarlet with fury, growled behind the brothers "I am sure that both Corporal Frond and Miss Willow would be so _flattered _by your opinions of them boys".

Both the sprites yelped in surprise, spun around and began to hover nervously. "Oh capt...I mean commander" stuttered Chix nervously "we were just, just..."

"If I ever hear either of you rating a female out of ten again I swear you won't live to regret it!" hissed Holly through gritted teeth.

Captain Short stalked off down the corridor, leaving a shaken Chix and Fallx. At last the older brother muttered under his breath "she is so a ten".

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><p>Acting Commander Holly Short awoke next morning feeling refreshed and optimistic. Commander Kelp was right, all she had to do was 'hold the fort' until this mysterious epidemic was over and then she could return to her beloved rank of captain. Holly's cheerful mood didn't last long, the moment that she walked through the double doors of Police Plaza she was ambushed by a frantic looking Corporal Grub Kelp.<p>

"Captain captain, oh I mean commander!" yelped Grub.

"Yes corporal what is it?" asked Holly rolling her eyes, fully expecting Grub's idea of a crisis to be that he had another hangnail, or something equally idiotic.

"A shopkeeper was killed last night in his store in the market district and there was a robbery from the Midas Bank on the Boulevard of Kings!" Great, thought Holly morosely, so much for the criminals keeping quiet. "And I suppose that they want us to look into because the LEP Traffic officers who'd usually investigate this sort of stuff are all off sick?"

Grub gulped nervously "sort of Captain Commander, but also because it looks as though the crimes were committed by...Mud Men".

Holly stood at the crime scene, her hands in her pockets, looking down at the sad corpse of a gnome. This wasn't her kind of policing; they shouldn't have called in her department for something like this. Recon officers were supposed to deal with stakeouts, tracking and high-speed pursuits. However, an irritating little voice inside her mind pointed out (sounding exactly like Artemis Fowl), Recon officers also dealt with humans, far more so than any other LEP division. At last she turned away, unable to stomach the sight of the body any longer "get him covered up" she snapped to Sergeant Flank, who nodded and obeyed. She'd been around wounds most of her life, but even an experienced combat officer can feel nauseous when faced with a body missing most of its head.

Colonel Wren went down on one knee and carefully lifted the sheet covering the shopkeeper "that's a bullet wound, or I've never seen one" he said soberly. "A large calibre round too, very large"

Human weapons very occasionally appeared in the lower elements, in the hands of gangs such as the B'wa Kell. However even the worst sort of fairy generally found the use of such firearms distasteful. They were worse even than Softnose Lasers; at least _they_ cauterized the wounds they created, thanks to the heat of the energy projectile they fired. Quite apart from the moral objection criminals felt when using stolen or illegally purchased Mud Man guns, was the problem of recoil. Even the smallest human pistols were generally far too large for fairies to hold, let alone fire, with any degree of accuracy or ease.

Holly frowned; turning to Wren she asked "what sort of weapon are we talking about here colonel?"

"Well I'd say a big revolver, .357 or .44 calibre would be my best bet. As for a make, well I'm afraid I've got a little out of touch with human weaponry over the last century, I haven't been topside since 1898. But whatever it was I expect that it was the modern equivalent of an Adams revolver, very powerful." The old soldier looked deathly serious as he said "Captain, whatever gun did this, it would have been virtually impossible for a fairy to use it".

"Are you suggesting that a rogue human is running around down here?" whispered Holly, glancing around her. If a rumour like that got out there would be complete panic.

Wren shrugged "I'm a soldier Captain Short; I can only tell you what I think the evidence points to. You're the police officer; it's your job to find out the truth about all this".

The second crime scene, the Midas Bank on the Boulevard of Kings, was less bloody than the market district shop, but if possible produced even more confusing evidence. All the banks security cameras and other measures had been either destroyed or deactivated. Whoever these criminals were, they knew what they were doing. A quarter of a ton of gold had been removed from the vault, along with the contents of several safety deposit boxes. However it was in the lobby that Captain Short found herself starring down at a footprint in the dust and debris created by the violent destruction of one of the banks security doors.

Chix Verbil was kneeling beside it and glanced up at Holly, an embarrassed smile playing nervously about his lips, clearly remembering the scolding he had received at her hands the evening before. "Well captain it's a boot print and it's far too big to be a fairy's".

Holly examined it herself "could it be a demon, some of the males grow to be five feet high remember?"

Chix shook his head "no way captain, they might get pretty tall, but their feet are totally the wrong shape to wear shoes. This was either a fairy with the biggest feat, like, EVER, or it was a..." he hesitated, clearly not wanting to finish his sentence.

"A human" murmured Holly.

A few hours had past and yet more mysterious clues had been uncovered at both crime scenes, all pointing towards human perpetrators. Most damning of all was found on one of the banks marble desk tops, half a finger print, that was undeniably human. But it was impossible, thought Holly as she sat in Commander Kelp's office, Mud Men couldn't really be down in the lower elements committing crimes. But then again was it so hard to believe, the humans were getting smarter by the day and she herself happened to know a human personally who had entered Haven many times. It couldn't be him could it, Artemis couldn't be...? Holly reached into her pocket and withdrew a fairy communicator, she had to find out.

* * *

><p>Fowl Manor, Ireland:<p>

Artemis Fowl II sat in his study playing chess. He had beaten dozens of chess grandmasters before many times and had even bested world champions with relative ease. The young genius now found that the only way that he could have a challenging game was by playing against an individual of truly astounding metal abilities, himself. Stroking his pale cheek thoughtfully with a long finger he arrived at a decision; reaching across the board he moved forward his bishop several diagonal squares, thereby covering his opponents left flank, hampering his ability to reinforce his centre. Artemis stood up, moved around to the opposite side of the table, sat down and then began to consider how best to counter his enemies well thought-out and executed strategy.

Artemis sighed; he was bored. There was no getting away from it; playing chess against oneself was quite simply ridicules. Even if he won he would still lose, and Artemis always played to win. Suddenly Artemis felt a slight vibration in the large jewelled ring on his right index finger, inside which was concealed a fairy communicator. Immediately he twisted it around so that it sat on his palm and then raise his hand to ear "Holly, what a pleasant surprise". He knew it would be Captain Short; after all she was the only one that ever called him on his fairy phone. Artemis always liked getting a call from Holly these days, as it often heralded one of the elfin captain's visits.

"Artemis" said Holly's voice seriously "have you been doing something you shouldn't in Haven?"

Artemis was intrigued "as it happens no captain, I believe that I have told you many times before that I am now a completely legitimate businessman". Well almost completely legitimate Artemis added in the privacy of his own head. Out loud he continued "but tell me Holly, why would you ask me such a question, has a crime been committed which the People are holding me responsible for?"

Holly sighed in his ear "no Arty, well not exactly. Sorry, I know you're one of the good guys now but I had to ask. Something's...happened, are security may have been compromised".

The boy genius started slightly "how fascinating Holly and what has led the People to believe that, and why might I be to blame?"

"I can't tell you all this over the phone Arty, are you doing anything at the moment?"

"Butler is taking a well earned holiday, much to his own displeasure, and father and mother have taken the twins on a weekend vacation to the Outer Hebrides. I am here alone at the manor, enjoying a quiet and rather boring rest. I am, I believe the expression is, 'just chilling'".

"Good, then I'll get a surface visa and be on my way up for you as quick as I can. I don't know what's going on here Artemis, but whatever it is, I want your help".

"My dear Captain Short" chuckled Artemis warmly "you are openly asking for my assistance? Aren't you afraid of further inflating my ego?"

"Nah, it's a little late for worrying about that Mud Boy" Holly laughed.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Sorry if I kind of hurried through the crime scenes a bit there, but I'm glad that I've finally got Artemis to appear in the story.

For those that are interested; the second china war mentioned by Major Moor (also known as the second opium war) really was as complicated as he makes it sound. If anything it was more so!

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	6. It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief

**Chapter 5: It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief**

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><p>Artemis Fowl did not have to wait long; in little over an hour after his call from Captain Short a tap came at his study window. Standing Artemis walked across, unlocked and opened the window, and stepped back to allow the invisible visitor to enter. A moment later the fairy lowered her shield and Holly settled back into the visible spectrum.<p>

"Good afternoon Holly" said Artemis politely "and let me begin by apologizing for my appearance, but my mother has insisted that I dress less formerly".

Holly looked her human friend up and down "ok Arty whatever you say, you look exactly the same as you always do as far as I can see".

Artemis looked down at his immaculate black suit, white starched shirt and gleaming armani loafers "you do not notice anything out of the ordinary captain?"

"I can't say that I do Arty" grinned Holly apologetically.

"Oh" said Artemis rather crestfallenly "I am, Holly, wearing a dark blue tie, as opposed to a black one. I had hoped that both you and my mother would think this sufficient to pass as informal attire".

The fairy captain rolled her eyes "I think Artemis that your mum was thinking more along the lines of jeans and a t-shirt". Artemis winced as though Holly had brandished a meat clever at him. "Anyway we can talk fashion later Arty, right now I need you to follow me back to the shuttle".

Artemis was slightly surprised "you have commandeered, piloted and landed a shuttle in just over an hour? I am impressed".

"Well" said Holly smiling mischievously "it isn't exactly a shuttle per se. I wanted to get up here as quickly as I could. So I just jumped in a magma pod and, taking a leaf out of Doodah Day's book, flew straight up here".

"But Holly I was under the impression that magma pods were built for one; how will we find space for both of us?" asked Artemis frowning.

Holly's smile grew broader "don't you remember how Mulch and Doodah managed it?"

Artemis paled "you don't mean...you're not suggesting that you...you sit on my...are you?"

"Got it in one Mud Boy" said Holly cheerfully, giggling at the expression on Artemis's face.

* * *

><p>Even by the time Artemis and Holly reached Police Plaza the boy genius was still blushing. Artemis Fowl II, now aged seventeen and well on his way to manhood, had spent the entire journey trying with all his might not to think about the very attractive girl sitting on his lap, not an easy task. In an effort to regain some dignity and to stop Holly giggling Artemis asked "so captain, what is it that you couldn't tell me over the phone?"<p>

Just as he had anticipated Holly was suddenly all business "there have been some unexplained crimes Artemis".

Artemis nodded "of course, I myself have been studying them with interest".

"Y-you've been what?" asked Holly, her mouth dropping open in amazement. "How in the gods names did you find out about them?"

Raising his eyebrows Artemis said "hardly difficult captain, as every news channel, not to mention conspiracy theorist, is talking about little else".

"But we haven't even made an official statement yet, we haven't even...Artemis, what do you think we are talking about?"

"Well Holly I presume that we are discussing the recent rash of mysterious crimes that have taken place from North America to the Far East".

"No Artemis I'm talking about the murder and the robbery that took place last night here in Haven". Holly's instincts were screaming that something wasn't right "what was suspicious about your crimes?"

"Firstly there was the murder of a Boston police officer, shot with an undefined energy based weapon. Military scientists have stated that it was some form of laser. I myself hacked several top security websites and found a photograph of the murdered man". Artemis paused for a moment before saying "he had been killed by a fairy softnose laser Holly".

"And the other crimes?" whispered a horrified Holly.

"Next a bank in Paris and a museum in London were both broken into. In Paris the police discovered a mysterious fingerprint that did not appear to be human, and in London an aged security guard at the museum said that he caught a glimpse of a small figure, just before it seemed to vanish into thin air. However the crime that is currently making front page news around the world occurred in China. A military outpost was attacked, several soldiers were killed and many millions of dollars worth of equipment stolen or destroyed. The Chinese government have realised to the press the statements given by several of the survivors of the attack, many of whom claim to have seen small creatures armed with inhuman weaponry".

There was a long silence, at last Holly said "the same here, a gnome shot by a human gun and a bank robbery where one of the criminals left behind a human footprint and fingerprint".

Artemis steepled his fingers "Holly I believe that there are three possible explanations for these occurrences. The first is that in Haven a fairy gang is going on a crime spree, taking advantage of the epidemic that you mentioned on the flight down here, and they happen to have a human firearm in their possession. As for the human foot print, perhaps one of them has extremely large feet, large enough to be mistaken for a human's. On surface a gang of supremely well financed criminals are steeling and killing, employing advanced weaponry, perhaps somehow bought from a rogue fairy black-market dealer. As for the small figures and fingerprint, perhaps merely mistakes on the part of the witnesses and the fingerprint of a child".

"That all sounds as likely as Mulch becoming a vegetarian and me becoming a whaler" Holly snorted.

"Exactly, the first scenario to explain these events is clearly ridiculous. Therefore we come to the second explanation. A gang of humans and fairies, I doubt very much that a human gang could function in Haven without fairy aid, are in Haven, killing and robbing. On the surface another gang of fairies, possibly with human elements, are doing exactly the same thing. It is purely a coincidence that these two gangs have chosen the exact same week in which to carry out their criminal activities".

Holly shook her head "no way is this a coincidence, there's a link between these two sets of crimes. I just know it!"

Artemis nodded "quite so, I do not believe in coincidences even at the best of times. Which leaves us with one alternative, and, as the great Sherlock Holmes has observed, once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. For reasons unknown a criminal organization has decided to stage crimes in the Lower Elements and on the surface, leaving behind clues to point the finger of blame clearly to the humans in the case of the fairies and vice versa".

"But why? What in Frond's name could they have to gain?"

Artemis considered for a moment before saying slowly "possibly they want a war".

"What? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Does it have to?"

Holly stood up "come on Artemis, I want you to see the crime scenes personally. My temporary officers will be able to look after the place while I'm gone".

Getting to his feet and following the diminutive captain Artemis asked "so many officers are out of commission you have had to hire temporary ones?"

"Yep, young students from the LEP Police Academy and old soldiers from one of Haven's retirement homes".

Artemis frowned "I wonder...no surely not"

Holly glanced over her shoulder at the mud boy as they walked through the main doors of the police station "what?"

"No forget about it, I am just being paranoid".

Holly scowled "Artemis I hate it when you do that, what were you going to say? Artemis?" Holly turned around, she and Artemis had just walked out of the Police Plaza and had been about to enter her police cruiser. "Artemis where in Frond's name are y..." Holly began, before two things happened in quick succession. Firstly she saw Artemis lying crumpled on the pavement unconscious and secondly Holly felt the impact of a neutrino blast between her shoulder blades. The elfin captain staggered and collapsed.

Just before Holly lost consciousness she heard a pair of feet approaching her and a snide voice that she recognized from somewhere saying high above her "I've got the elf, now let's get her and the mud boy back to headquarters. The commander doesn't like to be kept waiting".

The commander thought Holly as her brain slid in and out of focus, who was the commander? But before she could ponder the mysterious statement any longer her eyes darkened, her mind shut down and she knew no more.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>At last Artemis has had a chance to take centre stage. Next time! Holly and Artemis come face to face with the hooded stranger, who reveals himself!

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	7. The Best Laid Plans

**Chapter 6: The Best Laid Plans**

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><p>Holly groaned; her head felt as though it was in a vice and the small of her back, where she had been shot, ached terribly. Opening her eyes blearily she took in her surroundings, a shabby apartment, the wall paper peeling and furniture that had clearly seen better decades. She was tied to chair, beside her sat Artemis in an identical position. Opposite them stood a tall powerfully built demon, leaning, with an arrogant grin on his face, against the wall. Across his back hung a cruel curved sword, as long as Holly was tall, which was strangely and unpleasantly familiar. On a stool sat a gnome she knew only too well; Ark Sool, ex-LEP Commander, his face twisted with gleeful triumph at the sight of his enemies captured.<p>

Holly suddenly realized that she was no longer wearing her LEP jumpsuit or helmet; in fact she was wearing nothing but her one-piece swimsuit-like underwear. Ark Sool leered at her "hope you're not cold captain, but the commander insisted that we remove your suit and helmet. Can't have the LEP, what's left of it, using its signal to track you here could we?"

Artemis stirred feebly and then cracked open an eye, taking in his surrounding just as Captain Short had done. Apart from the filthy apartment, the demon and the gnome, Artemis also noticed that his companion was considerably more exposed than usual. Artemis turned bright red, at first Holly thought he was blushing, but then she realized that her human friend was furious. "How dare you!" he spat at the two fairies "if you lay a finger on her I swear I'll...I'll..." words seemed to fail Artemis for once in his life, such was his rage.

Ark Sool, who had nearly fallen of his seat, such was the venom in Master Fowl's voice, righted himself. Standing up he walked towards a door at the back of the apartment and knocked nervously and very politely "commander sir, they are both awake at last".

There came the sounds of movement and a muffled curse of pain, before the door swung open and a hooded and cloaked figure, all in black, limped into the room. He leaned heavily on his walking stick as he made his way towards them. "At last, I had hoped that you would wake up at the same time, I didn't want to have to repeat myself for both of your benefits".

Holly glared defiantly at the robed stranger "who in Frond's name are you?"

The figure was silent for a moment or two, clearly deep in thought. At last he said "I have concealed my identity for so long, but now at last I think it is time for the big reveal. I have waited so many years for this..." throwing back his hood he snarled "behold my face!"

Holly Short and Artemis Fowl had both faced ravenous trolls and hordes of bloodthirsty demons; they had seen hideous wounds, savage violence and death, but nothing compared to this. The face, if you could call it a face, was black as pitch, with the texture of burnt wood. The ears, nose and lips were gone; the teeth resembling nothing more than small shards of coal. The eyes had been replaced by what resembled small brass telescopes, protruding just over an inch from the blackened eye sockets. The glass lenses of the artificial eyes glowed a sinister blood red.

From deep down in the charred throat a laugh, as hideous as the person from which it came, began "I had a little accident some years ago. Most of my organs were damaged beyond repair, those that could be saved were given huge shots of magic, and those that couldn't were replaced by mechanical counterparts". Reaching up he tapped a finger on the glass lens of his right eye to illustrate his point. "Most of my bones and muscles have been replaced with titanium rods and steel wires".

"What happened to you?" whispered Holly, her voice filled with horror and, pity.

Suddenly the demonic face was an inch from her own "do you still not recognize me? Have I really changed all that much?" The incinerated elf began stride back and forth before his bound captives, the glow from his eyes becoming still more intense "you left me for dead, all of you! You captain, the mud boy, his hulking servant and the _much lamented_ Commander Root! You didn't even bother to check if I was still alive!" Slowly his breathing returned to normal and he gave Artemis and Holly another sickening smile, blackened teeth grinding against one another "I was so sorry when I heard about the death of Root, I so wanted to be the one to kill him. I felt I owed him you see, after all, we were once such good friends".

Holly gasped, it was impossible, _impossible_, it couldn't be _him_ could it? "Cudgeon?" Briar Cudgeon?" she asked in disbelief.

"Ah" smiled Briar Cudgeaon "so you do remember me, I was beginning to fear that, what with all the excitement of the last few years, you had forgotten all about me".

"But you fell into the open plasma panel, you were incinerated" whispered Artemis, starring appalled at what the former LEP officer had become.

Cudgeon nodded "your memory serves you well Master Fowl; yes I fell into the plasma conduit, which I myself had activated. An irony I did not appreciate at the time. I was fried by the super heated energy, reduced to a charred corpse. I should have been dead, why I wasn't I know not, but a spark of life flickered within me. I could not see, could not hear, could speak, I could not even breathe. You all left, taking Opal and the goblin generals with you, and then my servants found me. I had more than goblins working for me during the rebellion, a couple of elves in my employment, their names mater not, ran in and discovered my charred remains. They however checked thoroughly and one of them, a warlock, sensed the barest flickering of brain activity. He gave me a massive jolt of magic, enough at least to keep me alive until we reached a safe house, where I spent the next six years slowly being rebuilt".

Looking down at his prisoners he chuckled again "I have missed so much, the death of Root for one, the return of the demons from Limbo, and my dear little Opal's second attempt to make herself queen of the world".

"What is it that you want?" asked Artemis.

"Why, Master Fowl, the same as I wanted last time of course. If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. I set my sights on controlling this gods forsaken little planet and that is what I intend to do". Smiling he added "however I am now older and wiser, and I no longer have to deal with that arrogant little slut Koboi!"

"Funny" snarled Holly "she said pretty much the same thing about you, called you an idiot. Personally I think you're both right!"

Far from looking annoyed Cudgeon simply laughed "Opal was right, I was an idiot, worse I was an overconfident idiot. I thought that if I could control the LEP I could use them as my own private army, lead them to the surface and conquer the human world by force. How foolish I was, why one human nuclear bomb dropped down E1 would reduce Haven to rubble. Equally Opal's recent plan, to lead a human nation to Haven, thereby destroying the People and then take control of that nation, was even more idiotic! Without her mesmer she wouldn't have been listened to for a moment. Also the humans wouldn't have happily worked together, as she seemed to see it, the discovery of the People would spark World War III".

"So" asked Holly angrily "what's your new oh so brilliant plan for world domination?"

As if Holly hadn't spoken Cudgeon continued "after the failure of my initial scheme and that of Opal's I came to a conclusion. No single fairy or human can rule this planet as it currently stands, too many people, too many weapons, too many leaders; it is all simply all too complicated. However if the situation were to change, then perhaps an individual with a small band of faithful humans and fairies under his command could indeed rule the world".

Holly didn't have a clue what Cudgeon was talking about but Artemis was starring in horror. "You plan to start a war between the humans and the fairies?" he whispered at last.

The burnt elf laughed "well done my boy! The humans will destroy the fairies and then they will destroy each other. Every country on earth will want to be one to control the technology of the People. And when the world is quiet once more, when the defeated are dead and the victorious have nothing left to fight with, I shall appear from my place of hiding. I shall conquer, I shall enslave and I shall rule. I will be the Emperor of a dead world; ash, smoke, fire and charred remains". Cudgeon's eyes glowed like red hot coals "my kind of world!"

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Cudgeon back from the dead! If he plans to destroy the world, both above and below ground, what can he have in store for our heroes?

Before you ask "how did Cudgeon have the magic to transfer Abbott's mind into Rawley's body" or "where did the human finger and footprint come from, not to mention the bullet wound", have no fear. All shall be revealed.

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	8. Well That Was Fun

**Chapter 7: Well That Was Fun**

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><p>The manic fire died in Briar Cudgeon's mechanical eyes, to be replaced by a dull red glow. "How rude I have been, where are my manners" turning Cudgeon faced his henchfairies "allow me introduce first master Ark Sool, formerly of LEPrecon and Internal Affairs, who I believe you know."<p>

"We've met!" spat Holly malevolently.

"Ah" smiled Cudgeon "it would seem that your feelings of loathing towards the captain are reciprocated Sool, how nice". Gesturing towards the hulking demon he continued "and here we have Leon Abbot, former pride leader, who is currently occupying a body which is not his own".

Both Artemis and Holly remembered the demon general only too well; although the face was different, the stance and arrogant expression were the same. So to was the sword, a great curved cruel weapon, glowing dully with blue energy. This was the sword that claimed Captain Short's life in Limbo, although thankfully, due to Artemis, only temporarily. "Good to see you again Mud Filth, little elf, it has been a long time" snarled Abbot through gritted fangs.

"But" said Holly "Abbot's mind was put inside a guinea pig, how could you have returned him to a demon's body? Your magic was practically dry; all you had left was the gift of the tongues and the mesmer".

Cudgeon chuckled yet again "quite correct captain; at the time of the goblin rebellion my magical reserves had almost become exhausted. However, do you remember the illegal brain accelerating drugs that I had been experimenting with at the time of the Fowl Manor siege? They failed to improve my mind and reacted disastrously with the dart fired at me by Root, resulting in hideous mutation to the left side of my face". Raising a hand he tapped his cheek thoughtfully "ironic really, I was a paragon of beauty then compared to how I am now, but that is neither here nor there. When I was recovering from my little accident with the plasma conduit I realised that the huge surge of energy had activated the drugs, massively increased their potency. My mental facilities and magical abilities are now ten times stronger than they ever were before. Consequently it was a simple task to switch Abbot's mind from the rodent he was occupying to this, rather more useful, body, stealing his old sword from the Warlock Academy into the bargain".

Looking around the room Cudgeon frowned "and where is the third of my trusty comrades in arms?"

"He's keeping watch out of the back room window sir" answered Sool hurriedly.

"A most admirable task to be sure, but please call him in, I would so like our guests to meet him".

Nodding Sool walked to a door which presumably led to the back room, opened it and called "Vazov, the commander wants you!"

A moment later a figure walked into the room, stooping slightly under a doorframe built for a much smaller being. The human was lean, perhaps in his early fifties, with thin grey hair and moustache, and an expression remarkably similar to that of Ark Sool's. Also like Sool the man wore the remains of what once must have been a magnificent military uniform, now faded and unwashed. His dishevelled and unclean appearance clearly did not suit him. "Yes sir?" he asked in gnomish, with a Russian accent.

"This Master Fowl and Captain Short, is Alexander Vazov, a former Political Commissar, who regretfully lost his position after the fall of the USSR in 1991. And yes, before you ask, it was Commissar Vazov who so considerately left the fingerprint on the bank counter for you to find. I thought that the footprint in the debris was going a little far, but we had to make sure you got the picture".

"And was it you that killed the shopkeeper?" hissed Holy, her eyes burning with hatred.

By way of an answer the human reached into his jacket and pulled out a huge black revolver and grinned "not my weapon of choice you understand, this American revolver kicks like a mule. I prefer my trusty Makarov pistol any day. But the commander insisted that I use something too big for a fairy to handle".

"Again I didn't want a shred of doubt that it was the humans committing the crimes" said Cudgeon. "Dear Commissar Vazov, and Abbot and Sool here, are but three examples of a large number of supporters I have under my commander. The rest are currently on the surface, further convincing the humans that they are under attack by little green men from mars. All that remains is to point them in the right direction".

"Well" snarled Holly "soon Trouble and the others will be back on their feet and then I guarantee that they will hunt you down Briar, you won't get away with this!"

"The '_you won't get away with this'_ part was rather cliché, but other than that I completely concur with the Captain Short" said Artemis starring coldly at his captors.

"Yes" breathed Cudgeon slowly "I was so hoping that we could get onto the subject of the epidemic raging through Haven even as we speak. Don't you think that it is rather convenient that at exactly the same moment that I launch my campaigns of destruction in Haven and on the surface, most of the fairy population has to go to bed with a sore throat and a bad cough?"

Artemis cursed under his breath before saying angrily "I knew it! I thought that the sudden illness and the crime waves occurring simultaneously seemed suspicious, but I put it down to the perpetrators taking advantage of a natural phenomenon. I should have more faith in my paranoid streak".

Holly suddenly felt her stomach contract with fear "what have you done Cudgeon? What is this disease? If you've killed them all..."

"Oh no no no" assured Cudgeon, waving a dismissive hand "I have no intention of doing the humans job for them. The disease is harmless, _rhinitis acuta catarrhalis_, otherwise known as the common cold. I simply engineered the disease to affect fairies and to be highly resistant to magic. I'm sure the good Commander Kelp, Foaly, N°1, Qwan and all the rest will be feeling right as rain in no time. However the next disease I unleash might not be quite so easy to bounce back from". A wicked smile split the charred face "what should it be next do you think? Small Pox, Malaria, Leprosy, Bubonic Plague, Yellow Fever, you humans have such a wonderful array of illnesses. If it at any point there is any real risk of the fairies winning the war, it will simply be necessary to give them a little nudge towards defeat. A nudge like wiping out Atlantis with a Cholera epidemic the likes of which has never been seen before!"He sighed contentedly "germ warfare, what a marvellous human invention, we fairies have always shied away from such things, but you humans...I salute you!"

Seeing Artemis and Holly's looks of horror at the prospect of a dozen t hideous plagues released to run rampant through the Lower Elements Commander Cudgeon smiled and added "but enough of these pleasant musings, soon the world both above and below will be nothing but wasteland and I shall be king of all I survey. I would so like for you both to be there to see that day, but I'm afraid that would mean keeping you both alive for the next few weeks or months, and that is something that I am loathed to do".

Ark Sool grinned unpleasantly at Holly "please sir, can I be the one to kill Short? I hate her! I mean just look at her, she thinks she's _so_ great; with that crew cut, those bow lips...long legs...perfect bre..." Sool suddenly seem to realize that he was somewhat digressing. Blushing he finished lamely "Err so can I be the one to pull the trigger then?"

"Sool, one more word out of you and I'll have you shot" Cudgeon said casually. "Do you really believe that you have more cause for hatred towards this girl than I? You have lost your job and your reputation, whereas Captain Short and Master Fowl have lost me _EVERYTHING_!" The last word came out as a hideous animal snarl, of such shocking violence that everyone who could took a step away from the deranged fairy. Sool covered his head with his arms, as if he expected Cudgeon to leap at him. He however did nothing of the sort, the rage passed and Briar was his usual polite self once more. "Now" he continued as if nothing had happened "If I were little Miss Koboi I feel sure that I would at this juncture feed you to a tank full of ravenous sharks. On second thought, that isn't her style, perhaps piranhas or fire ants. I, I'm afraid, do not have my darling Opal's imagination, so I shall be doing this the old fashioned way". Delving into the folds of his black robe he drew forth a softnose laser pistol. After checking the sights and the power pack, he appeared satisfied and returned his eyes to his bound captives. "Now, here is the difficult part, which to kill first. Who shall I put out of their misery and who shall be left briefly alone, splattered in the contents of their dearest friend's skull. Decisions decisions..."

As Cudgeon considered which of them to kill first Holly suddenly felt Artemis's hand slip into hers. Turning her head she met Artemis's mismatched eyes, identical to her own. "Holly" he whispered quietly "I suppose I should tell you now, in case I don't have another chance...I...well...Holly I..." he stammered.

Holly smiled at her tongue tied friend "me too Arty". They looked into each other's eyes; it didn't need to be said.

"How touching" said Cudgeon "that's it then, it would be cruel beyond measure to split up such a pair as you, Vazov, you're Makarov if you please". The human took the pistol from a holster at his hip and handed it to the fairy. Cudgeon took a moment to get used to the size and the weight of the weapon; it was large for his hand, but manageable. Holding the Makarov in one hand and the softnose in the other he took careful aim at the heads of his prisoners. "I know, I'm old romantic, but I always have a soft spot for young love. You shall die together". For a moment the facade slipped and the hunger for blood showed on his face "good bye, and good riddance!" he snarled through gritted teeth.

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><p>At that moment and without the slightest warning the apartment's door was suddenly smashed clean off its hinges. In the doorway stood what looked like hundreds of LEP officers, but was in fact merely eleven. At the front of the crowd stood the towering (in fairy terms) figure of Temporary-Private Grene Grass, of the LEP Police Academy. He appeared to have kicked in the door with no difficulty at all and was now looking rather embarrassed. On his left stood Colonel Wren and Sergeant Flank, the NCO grasping a tri-barreled blaster of the kind favoured by Root, whilst the Colonel had drawn his human sabre. On Grene's right stood Sergeant Spouter, a fire ball primed and ready on his aged palm, and Temporary-Private Penelope Willow, down on one knee, her neutrino drawn, the barrel steady as a rock. Over head hovered the three sprites, Chix, Fallx and Choral, whilst behind the front rank stood Major Moor, flanked by Corporals Frond and Grub Kelp.<p>

There was a silence that seemed to last for hours, but in reality can't have been more than a few seconds. Captain Choral peered through the shattered doorframe and said "I say you fellows, it looks as if they've started the bally show without us!".

The spell broke and the whole world seemed to explode. "Come on my lucky lads!" bellowed Sergeant Flank in voice like an enraged bull elephant "for King Frond!"

The LEP officers poured into the room like a tsunami. Commissar Vazov, having given away his Makarov, drew his revolver. As he was on the point of blowing Corporal Grub's head clean off when a fireball hurled by Spouter struck the weapon. The Russian cried out in pain, dropping the firearm, which glowed red hot on the floor. He turned to flee but was caught by a flying rugby tackle, which brought him crashing to the ground. Grene Grass, usually quiet and painfully polite, was sitting on the human's chest, one strong hand at the Commissar's throat and the other holding a neutrino to his head. "Excuse me, but would you mind surrendering sir?" the elf asked respectfully.

Colonel Wren, who seemed to be suddenly several centuries younger, leapt over a table in a style reminiscent of Errol Flynn at the height of his powers, heading straight for Leon Abbot. "Have at you sir, on guard!" he shouted, slashing with his sabre at the demon. Abbot responded in kind and two hundred year old steel met enchanted bronze with a sizzling crackle of energy. In theory the human sword should have disintegrated or burst into flames, but instead it held firm. Abbot was larger and stronger than his opponent, but he was no match for the old officer's swordsmanship, and soon found himself driven back. Wren moved his blade in a complicated pattern and suddenly the demon found himself disarmed, with a sharp point weaving before his eyes. "I've cut through skulls and helmets as if they were butter with this" said Wren matter-of-factly to the shocked demon.

Abbot could only stare. At last he managed "but my blade...it is enchanted!"

Wren glanced at the discarded sword before returning his eyes to Abbot "the spells you placed upon this weapon were intended to allow your blade to create wounds that could not be healed by magic, were they not?" He grinned "not to make it indestructible or give it the ability to cut through steel".

Abbot's eyes slid to the sabre in the old colonels hands "your sword, how did you come by it? I must know!"

Wren considered for a moment before saying "this sir was designed by a Mud Man, forged by a Mud Man and given to me by a Mud Man general. Please stop howling sir, and put your hands up".

Seeing the capture of Vazov and Abbot out of the corner of his eye Ark Sool decided that it was well and truly time to be going. Spinning on the spot Sool was about to make a break for it when suddenly someone kicked him so hard in the groin that his teeth chattered, his eyes watered and he let out a piteous whimper. He slowly collapsed to the carpet, huddled in a ball. Lili Frond stood over him triumphantly "THAT was for the disciplinary hearing about improper dress in the workplace! My skirt was NOT too short!"

With the fall of his last henchman Briar Cudgeon was surrounded. Backing away from a closing circle of officers the charred elf had only one alternative to capture. With a contemptuous sneer he turned and in one quick movement wrenched open the apartment's window and jumped. They were on the tenth floor. As Cudgeon hurtled towards the ground he took solace in that, although defeated he was not humbled. He would die on his own terms. Just as he was about to strike the pavement Cudgeon suddenly jerked violently to a halt, before slowly beginning to rise back up towards the apartment from which he had leapt. Craning his neck he starred, incensed, at the two sprites bearing him aloft. Over the shrieks of rage and despair emitting from there passenger Chix said to his brother "well that's our good deed for the day".

As the four criminals, Cudgeon now gagged to muffle his constant stream of curses, Vazov nursing his burnt hand, Abbot tied hand and foot, writhing like an eel, and Sool still unable to focus on anything other than his own personal universe of agony; Colonel Wren used his sabre to cut Artemis and Holly's bonds. As they got shakily to their feet Major Moor grinned and said cheerfully "Well that was fun."

Rubbing her wrists Holly looked around at her and Artemis's saviours "but how did you find us? They took my helmet and jumpsuit, what did you use to track us here?" Having said this Holly suddenly became uncomfortably aware that she was still in her underwear and standing in the presence of Chix and Fallx Verbil, who were both sneaking surreptitious glances her way. As if reading her mind Artemis pulled off his jacket and handed it to Holly.

Colonel Wren chuckled "a general is only as good as his troops captain. Mr. Cudgeon here asked his assistants to remove your jumpsuit and helmet, and therefore the trackers there in, and told them to dispose of them. Unfortunately for him all they did was carry them downstairs and put them in a bin in an alley behind this apartment building. We tracked you and Master Fowl to this location and then asked inside about any suspicious characters living here. By the sound of it everyone who has a flat in this building suits that description, but when we asked about a thin gnome and a demon, both of which were glimpsed by Miss Penelope Willow as they kidnapped you, we were directed to this apartment. We rushed up, young Grene Grass here kicked down the door and, well you know the rest".

Holly looked around at her friends and colleagues. She had kept things ticking over, just as Trouble had asked. She had also faced down an evil genius thought long dead, discovered the cause of the epidemic that had raged through Haven and discovered a plot to destroy the world. On the other hand she'd been captured _again_ and had brought Artemis Fowl back down to the Lower Elements, neither of which Commander Kelp was likely to be thrilled about. Oh well, she thought to herself smiling, she had a week or two before the commander was up and about again, plenty of time to come up with a good story.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>The line "as he was on the point of blowing Corporal Grub's head clean off" is a movie reference to the film _Dirty Harry_. In the film Harry Callahan, Clint Eastwood, carries a Smith & Wesson Model 29 (a .44 Magnum), which is the same revolver wielded here by Commissar Vazov.

Secondly, for those that don't know, Errol Flynn was an actor during the 1930's and 40's. He was famous for his 'swashbuckler' roles, and is perhaps best remembered for his portrayal of Robin Hood in _The Adventures of Robin Hood_, 1938. Needless to say, he did his fair share of sword fighting and table leaping.

Please Review, I love reading your comments.


	9. Epilogue

**Chapter 8: Epilogue **

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><p>As it happened Captain Short did not have two weeks, or even a week, to think up a good explanation for Commander Kelp. Trouble, still blowing his nose liberally, but defiantly, returned to Police Plaza three days after the capture Cudgeon. Although still ill he maintained that he had beaten off the worst of disease. All in all Trouble came to the conclusion that it could have been worse; a super villain was in custody, as were several other dangerous criminals, Police Plaza was still standing and fairy civilization as we know it was intact. The capture of Short for what felt like the hundredth time was irritating, as was the presence of the Mud Whelp Fowl, but untimely everything seemed to have turned out alright.<p>

The commander was not alone in appearing earlier than had been anticipated back at Police Headquarters. Over the course of the next few days there was a steady stream of LEP officers returning to work, and soon the temporary reinforcements were told that there help would no longer be required. Fallx Verbil, Grene Grass and Penelope Willow were soon back at the Police Academy; all of whom passed their final exams with flying colours a few months later. Colonel Wren, Major Moor, Captain Choral, Sergeant Flank and Sergeant Spouter returned to _The Oak Tree and Riverbend Home for Old Fairies_; but not before the colonel made Commander Kelp promise that if ever the police found themselves shorthanded again the five old soldiers would be the first people the LEP came to for help.

Cudgeon found himself interned in a top security hospital, as it was decided that his condition might prove too delicate for prison. Sool was sent to the Atlantis Penitentiary, despite pleading insanity, mind control and police brutality. Rawley was returned to his body and had no charges levelled against him, although the LEP kept tabs on him for some time. When next Leon Abbot awoke he was in an all too familiar cage, surrounded by wood chippings and hay. After furiously flinging itself against the bars of its enclosure, the guinea pig settled down to munch a carrot and plot hideous, bloody revenge against its enemies. The human Vazov was mind wiped and returned to the surface; where he happily lived out the rest of his days in an isolated Eskimo village in Northern Canada. The unknown members of Cudgeon's organization, those who had been causing chaos on the surface, went to ground after the capture of their leader. It was many months until the LEP felt sure that they had rounded up the last of them.

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><p>Captain Short and Artemis Fowl stood and the base of the steps leading up into an LEP ship, which would shortly ferry Artemis back to his Irish manor. Holly looked up at her human friend "well Arty, thanks for your help".<p>

Artemis chuckled "I'm afraid I wasn't much help this time Holly, I was merely a pawn". He considered and then amended "well maybe not a pawn, a bishop perhaps".

It was Holly's turn to laugh "I'm sure that was very clever Arty, it's a pity I don't know my chess".

"I shall have to teach you captain, I feel sure that your natural aptitude for tactics would serve you well".

The human and the fairy looked into each other's eyes. At last Holly said quietly "when we were tied up, when Cudgeon was going to execute us...you said...I said".

Artemis smiled; it was neither cunning nor vampiric, but soft and loving. "and I stand by it captain".

Holly retuned the smile. She activated her wings, buzzed up to Artemis's head height and kissed him on the cheek "I'll try to get a visa to the surface as soon as I can. As I said once before, we need to have along chat about all this".

"At Fowl manor, this coming weekend perhaps?" asked Artemis hopefully.

"We'll see" answered Holly coquettishly. Glancing towards the shuttle's door she noticed an officer, trying to get her attention. "It's time to go Arty, I'll see you again very soon".

Artemis hesitated for a moment, glanced over his shoulder, saw that the elf that had been waving at Holly had disappeared and then seemed to reach a decision. In one quick movement he stooped and kissed Holly; their lips locked together for a moment and then they broke apart. "Goodbye Captain Short" said Artemis formerly, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"A safe trip Master Fowl" returned Holly, equally stiffly, but with an impish wink. As Artemis ascended the stairs Holly watched him go. As the boarding steps retracted and the craft ponderously took off she suddenly found herself thinking of the occasion a few days ago with the Verbil brothers. She had caught them eyeing up Corporal Frond and Miss Willow, completely objectifying them. Disgraceful behaviour! Still, she couldn't help but whisper to herself as she turned away, a small smile playing about her lips "Arty is definitely a ten".

The End

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I enjoyed writing this fanfic and I really hope you enjoyed reading it. It wasn't quite as good as I would have liked; I sort of hurried through some bits and dragged my feet though others. All in all though I hope it wasn't too bad. I almost didn't include that final kiss between Holly and Artemis, I kind of felt as if I hadn't really _earned_ it, having not dedicated to much time to the romance side of the story. I was tempted just to leave it implied that they were in love, but in the end I just couldn't help but seal the deal with a kiss. Adventure and humour were my main priorities in this fic.

As I've said at the end of each of these chapters, please review. I have a lot of fun reading through your comments, and generally try to reply to them.


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